Wednesday, February 8, 2017

How to Move Forward After a Traumatic Relationship or Event

It’s been a couple weeks. The first week my life felt sucked from my chest. Antisocial. Anxious. These emotions seem new all over again as soon as the person you communicate with nearly every day, you see almost weekly, disappears. Subtract the reason for the separation. Realizing the person, you made your world, has been pulled from beneath your feet. A maddening, downward spiral.

It’s only temporary.” A chant repeated in my head to help speed recovery. My Colonel from High School introduced this concept to me. This will all blow over, hopefully soon. I’ve had enough experience on this end it should be second nature to flip back around, but not with one key ingredient. Love.

No matter how hard you try to light everything on fire, cry your eyes out until the swelling keeps them shut, love will continue to hurt until one day, you realize, you have forgotten to love said person. How long that takes depends on the person, relationship, and stance

"I don’t need you, I want you." I invented this for myself years ago, after falling in love with a boy whom also broke my heart. If it wasn’t for this statement and other factors, I would probably be baker-acted for lack of self-control. Lack of self-esteem and confidence.

How to move forward starting now:
I wish there was a black and white answer book that could just solve this instantly, but maybe these suggestions may help.
·      Pick a playlist and hit the repeat button until your ears start vomiting.

o   My personal playlist:




§  Halsey – pick one

§  Alt-J – Breezeblocks – it sounds different now that I’m separated

·       Find your own gender – You’re vulnerable. Don’t go looking for the wrong attention, unless you have strictly platonic friends.

·       Pamper yourself – get a pedicure, get your hair done, get your eyebrows waxed or your hooha, if that’s what you’re into.

·       Write – find a book and write. EVERY. DAY. I failed to do this until two weeks after. I should have done it the night of and continued. I would have been able to talk myself out of feeling bad a long time ago.

·       Go for a walk. Even in your pajamas. To the backyard. Get some light. Being a hermit doesn’t help even though it’s temporarily satisfying.

·       Garden – you will learn consistency and learn something new, which takes your mind slightly off the subject matter.

·       Pet therapy – find an animal friendly place. Animals are generally happy to see you more than humans.

·       Delete. EVERYTHING. Sure, you’ll have your second guesses. If you do, save some things, but lock it away to avoid reminders. They’re unnecessary triggers. Block them on social media, through the phone, and email. If they were truly sorry, they would find a creative way to show it. If you have items, but not enough strength to get to the post office let alone brushing your hair, gather the objects and place them in a box and put it away for now.

·       Remember things differently. This is a mind trick used especially for traumatic events. Instead of remembering events and personal connections, recall objects and imagine them a different color, or something different entirely. This will train the mind to not act as harshly to whatever environment you find yourself in.

o   Personal Experience – Terra Fermata – Some fond memories. Instead of remembering being with that person, imagine the memory with people from the current view in that memory or change the person to your best friend. It takes a strong mind to master this. I also stared at new objects and formed different memories associated with numbers. Counted how many tables were crammed in a tiny area. How much electricity was used to run certain things. How many people were in front of me. Trying something with a terrible taste. You might not have the energy to move or think, but your eyes can see shapes and color.

·        Just be. Live in the current state of mind. Don’t dwell on what could have been, what should have been. This is the most destructive. Someone, even a platonic friend, is waiting for you to call them to make awesome new memories with you. Even if it’s your golden retriever.

·        Stop thinking about what you can’t have anymore. Start writing down what you can have!

·       Don’t be a victim. They win. Plain and simple. Pick up the pieces, dust yourself off and start working towards your next goal, even if it’s talking about it for weeks.

Please leave a comment if this article helped you or helped someone you know or just want to leave some love!


Note, these pictures below are part of being human. The ugly side to becoming stronger. <3

1 comment:

  1. This post affected me deeply. I've read it over and over the last few days.
    It's like being lost at sea.

    ReplyDelete