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Tuesday, January 5, 2016

The Brown Surprise

McDonald's. I never thought I'd laugh so hard coming out of this restaurant. I gave it a try in London, because, why not.

I went to the restroom. Everything started out normal. The first stall was littered with toilet paper and of course, someone managed to miss the porcelain fountain. I skipped it and found the second stall. The perfect one to do my business.

I could hear voices on the other side of the stall, kids wondering which way to go, the sound of hands washing. Because there is absolutely nothing else to do, but listen while you do your business, that's exactly what I did. I listened.

A British family entered the room. They made it to the first stall. Again still littered, the little girl goes "Ewww!!" Leading up to the second stall, was of course, me. The mother says, "There's someone in that one, let's try the third one."

A bloody scream at the top of the little girl's lungs could be heard from the line ordering food. I jumped. I had not made it that far. The mother screamed. Both had ran out of sight of the third stall. There, laying on the ground for them, was a brown man-made Loch Ness monster someone gave birth to from their arse.

Absolutely terrified, the family ran out of the restroom and patiently waited for me to come out. I started laughing. I had no idea what was lurking on the other side, nor did I want to. I hurried to the sink and quickly escaped.

The moral of the story, beware of the bathrooms and sidewalks in London.

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